I’m Finally Ready to Give Myself a Proper Chance.

Earlier this year, I made the strange and wonderful discovery that New Year’s Eve is my favorite holiday.

A time filled with such hope and optimism, I love taking the time to sit back and reflect on the past year of my life with gratitude for all the memories I’ve been able to make and create a plan full of so many possibilities for the future. I am simultaneously filled with so much joy and fear for what lies ahead of me. Because while there’s so much excitement in trying something new, I know optimism and change can be terrifying.

This year has been rough, mentally and emotionally, but I also know I’ve grown so much. I’ve had to do a lot of work to unpack the insecurities I’ve let hold me back from living the kind of life I want. 2024 has been about learning, unlearning, and letting go.

Learning that people can still love me even when I’m sad. Unlearning years of masking and pretending to be who I think everybody else expects me to be. And letting go of the pressure to do everything perfectly to protect myself from embarrassment and rejection.

As much as I let myself hope and wish, unfortunately, I know there was never going to suddenly be a “perfect” time where I didn’t feel cringe or wrong for choosing myself.

Letting myself actually want things has been surprisingly difficult, but not impossible. I am so proud of the progress I’ve made this year. Looking back at my journal entries from this past year, I can see how beautiful the care and love I’ve given myself is. I’m not perfect and I still cry a lot, but I’m trying and I’m finally ready to give myself a proper chance.

Much love,
Beatriz